What is it about asking for help that makes grown adults quake in their boots? Maybe it’s the fear of exposing our imperfections or weaknesses. Or perhaps it’s the worry that someone might think we’re not worth their time.
We can muscle through that fear, but there’s another way—reframing. Imperfections? Those are simply the edges of a growing human, ever-evolving and rising to new challenges. Rejection? That’s just honesty and alignment delivered acutely. It says nothing about your worthiness of help. Most people genuinely want to help, and when they can’t, it’s much less about us than we fear.
Mentorship is a beautiful example of this dynamic. It can take many forms—the classic half-hour coffee check-in, a quick review of your presentation before a big conference, or a steady relationship built over time. The most fruitful are of course, the relationships with continuity. Sure, I’ve had one-off mentoring moments that were transformative, but the greatest growth came from mentors who’ve seen my journey over years. They know which of my favored yet unhelpful paths to steer me from and carry memories of my successes to lift me when I’m tempted to sit out the journey.
When these relationships are aligned, they tend to evolve naturally. Some years we meet regularly, while in others, it’s more sporadic. What matters is doing my best to stay connected. And as I get to know my mentors better, I always do my best to express my gratitude meaningfully: a letter detailing how I applied their advice, an invitation to a hike while we chat, or a jar of my homemade chai mix.
Then there’s sponsorship. Like mentorship, it’s about relationships—but in a specific, professional context. A sponsor is someone who champions you when you’re not in the room, advocating for your talents and potential. This dynamic is especially impactful in creating equity, offering support to those who historically haven’t had access to such opportunities.
When you’re seeking sponsorship, take time to observe and identify whose support you want—those you aspire to emulate. When you make your ask, acknowledge the traits that call you to them, clearly articulate your own contributions, and be specific about the support you’re seeking. The context of the relationship is crucial, but when you approach with confidence, sincerity, and solid track record, you’re likelier to receive meaningful support.
It’s scary to ask for what you need and hear no—but rarely does someone tap you on the shoulder and offer it. You deserve it so go ferociously after it.