Work friendships outside of the office can foster camaraderie, trust, and excitement—making the workplace feel addictive in the best way. Little beats an approachable, warmhearted boss at boosting dopamine and job satisfaction. But when friendships between supervisors and subordinates extend beyond the office, they bring serious considerations and potential consequences.

Having experienced both sides, the most complicated dynamic was when I held greater power and responsibility as the leader. These friendships led to office-wide laughter, fostered deeper care for my employees' lives, and built a sensation of mutual support that made teamwork inevitable.

On the flipside, it was agonizing to interrupt a friend grieving a breakup to demand a report by EOD, and the tensions from favoritism—both real and perceived—were even worse. Over time, I found that boundaries and transparency were essential practices for handling these challenges.

Boundaries with employees are even more critical when layered with boundaries for friends. As an open, understanding, and flexible leader, I set clear expectations early in professional relationships. Maintaining boundaries isn’t black-and-white—responsive leaders navigate nuance. Like balancing the tension between democratic decision-making and authoritative command, you’ll face questions with no right answers. In those moments, let your values, consistency, and humility guide you.

Navigating favoritism is tricky—the perception of bias sometimes outweighs reality. Early in my career, I offered a high-performing employee the option to stay part-time while pursuing his education. Ironically, the two employees I had personal friendships with were the most vocal about my supposed favoritism, despite no plans for educational pursuits themselves. In a hyper-competitive environment, the fear of being left behind is pervasive.

Understanding how favoritism affects office dynamics is crucial, often in unexpected ways. I once had a subordinate so concerned about appearing favored that it influenced our decision to reduce her workload. Despite my advice, she insisted on an unsustainable workload just to signal solidarity with her coworkers—a choice as understandable as it was regrettable.

While I don’t regret the meaningful relationships I’ve built over the years, my behavior has evolved. As I took on higher roles with greater exhaustion and power imbalances, I realized how easy it was to mess up. I set a personal rule: office friendships must prioritize the professional relationship and avoid giving any one employee disproportionate time or attention. For instance, I no longer attend employees' personal life events—though I’m grateful to be invited, I make sure to honor those milestones within the office instead. I’ve also found it easier to resist becoming too close with my amazing team when I maintain a healthy, connected community outside of work.

Leaders can be friendly and open without extending relationships beyond the office. However, if you decide to deepen friendships with direct reports, delegate their supervision when possible. If not, take thoughtful steps and be transparent:

Acknowledge the relationships. You’re not slick; people can sense closeness through body language, nevermind what the office social media sleuth can uncover.
Address potential biases upfront. For example, I rely on 360 evaluations because bias can slip in even with my best intentions and our work deserves better.
Create clear channels for feedback. Test the system yourself by imagining you’re an employee facing favoritism. Ask yourself: would I use it?
Own your mistakes. Don’t let them go unspoken—embrace these moments as chances to build humility and trust with your team.

You deserve meaningful relationships and room to make mistakes—your job isn’t to be a perfect leader but a humble one, willing to grow and adapt.

May you build connections that honor and fulfill you.