As we continue talking about mistakes and structures to hold them, feedback is undeniably one of the hardest. Leaders must be exceptionally brave to model and structurally implement this crucial skill. To encourage this bravery in ourselves and each other, we need psychological safety in our teams.

As smart social beings, we pay attention to how an environment handles weaknesses. For example, how a leader responds to a team member asking an obvious question determines how much learning we’ll feel comfortable doing with each other. While it’s tempting to covet the efficiency of not “suffering fools” and redirect them to google, that is a crucial cultural moment that establishes whether or not your team will do the kind of joint learning necessary to tackle complex tasks together – the kind of learning process a search bar can never replicate.

When leaders respond to their own gaps, learning processes, and mistakes with compassion and a proven commitment to change, we set a powerful example for our teams.

A similar cultural pattern we must establish carefully is how we behave when teammates air concerns. When someone has a concern, whatever it is rooted in, how is it treated? Dismissed? Considered? If Joe, who's quick to criticize, has a leader regularly rolling their eyes, that impacts everyone’s prediction of what would happen if they were to risk airing concerns. If a team sees leadership honor – not follow, but genuinely entertain – even the most difficult feedback, then the unspoken jewels of questions and information each of us have comes to the fore.

Feedback deserves attention proportionate to the value; if there is a pattern of hyper criticism, addressing it head on and with curiosity is leagues ahead of the tempting brush-past. Strong teams encourage difficult feedback and disagreement; they know it brings up the places where there’s not shared commitment and reveals where to go next to keep moving to the ultimate goal of our shared work. It is not a distraction, but the path.

Actively seek out uncomfortable conversations to get to the heart of diversions in your team. Name the unspoken tension when it is in a room. Trust and develop your social intuition; you might not know all the details but you notice Jane’s face falling during the meeting’s timeline proposal, and that's an opportunity to bring caring and curious attention. You notice the mood in the room shift from laughter to quietness and short sentences. Why? What happened? Lead with observations and honest questions. If the team has a safe emotional base along with structured feedback times and processes, then they’re much more likely to share hard truths about performance and impact.

Feedback is information only other people can have and it is a gift to be trusted with it. When I began seeing feedback as always available and in service of my growth, it was a transformational moment for me that got to a place where I was actively seeking it.

When I began working on my feedback practices, I wish I acknowledged that it is a skill that very few of us have quality practice in. It’s important to make room for "meta mistakes" as teams learn to relate to difficult conversations in new ways. As leaders with humility, we know each of us will offer judgment mistakenly thinking it’s helpful feedback; we know  each of us will get defensive over mere observations. When we expect these normal responses, we can acknowledge and maybe even laugh at them before choosing how we want to react. With honesty and compassion, we get to be more choiceful about how we want to show up in a team.

There are so many possible feedback structures and practices than we can do justice here. Where are you in your learning to give useful, direct, and compassionate feedback?